i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
