don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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