I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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