peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
