Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
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