Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
