hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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