Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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