I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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