I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
