What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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