just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Randomize