giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
