If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
