Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Dignity is for republicans.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
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