i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
