I love having hate sex.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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