soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
