nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
