you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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