I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize