"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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