At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
