So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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