He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
