Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
