it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
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