tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Randomize
