You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
