Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize
