Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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