I wish I could punch you in the face.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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