Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
