Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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