You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I think I just shit out all my problems.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
