You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
