so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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