Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
i barfeds in our rink
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize