K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
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