i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
