it wasn't lemon gatorade
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
ttyl tear gas
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Randomize
