i would punch a child for taco bell
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I wish you could order shots online.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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