We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
