Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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