call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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