um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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