so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I need a burrito and a hug.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
