First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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