How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
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