How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize