I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
The best revenge is premature balding
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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