maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
