just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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