looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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