i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
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