i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Randomize