he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
