I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
