i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
