Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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