why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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