i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
