Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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