Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
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