Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I AM VODKA MAN
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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