I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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